


Let Me In

by qnn



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 12:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20657105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qnn/pseuds/qnn
Summary: He didn't want to be seen like that, but now that he was alone, and that he felt alone, he really wanted company. He wanted Kihyun's company.Changkyun unlocked the door and opened it a slit. He felt the door being pushed lightly, and held it in place."Won't you let me in?" Kihyun asked.______in which Changkyun is tired/stressed/overworked and Kihyun takes care of him





	Let Me In

He was alone. After they were done with the tasks for the day, Changkyun went back to his hotel room, where he was, truly, alone.

At that point, he was so used to having dozens of people around him, that it was strange to be alone, almost unfamiliar. What did that mean? In recent weeks, even when he was alone he was being rushed to go do something else. In his moments of privacy, he felt like he was being watched - bathroom break, shower, sleep. The pressure stayed there. His moments with himself were filled with anxiety, and it didn't feel different now.

And yet, he was alone. Not only alone, but tired. All the exhaustion from the past few days were catching up to him, fast. He hadn't been able to sleep well, in bed he'd be in the company of either insomnia or nightmares.

After he entered the hotel room, closed the door and locked it, he hadn't been able to move. He looked around. Every inch of his body yearned for a bath and a bed at the same time, and yet he couldn't bring himself to do any of those things. He leaned against the door, putting the heels of his hands to his eyes. Changkyun took a deep breath, letting the air out through his mouth as slow as he could. He held his breath for a few seconds, the tiredness he felt was rendering him almost desperate.

Changkyun felt a familiar burning behind his eyelids. He took another deep breath, trying to steady himself. He didn't know what to do, and he only had some hours - that he wasn't sure whether it was 12 or 24 hours - to rest. But no time would be enough, it seemed. All the rest he could get in those few hours, even if he just passed out right there and slept through all the 12, 24, 40 or 3 of them, didn't appear to be enough to make him any less tired.

He slid his body against the door until he was sitting on the floor. There were too many thoughts rushing through his mind and all this confusion made him feel worse. He hid his face with his hands, embarrassed about what he was feeling, the things he was thinking. Changkyun didn't notice it, but his hands were shaking.

His cellphone was vibrating in the pocket of his jacket. The perspective of having a manager looking for him, right now, made him feel more desperate. He didn't pick up. Whatever it could be, it would be best to ignore it until it went away.

Changkyun became aware of his dry lips and his cold hands. His breathing was uneven, and he started to feel tears coming to his eyes. He knew he should be showering, and then getting proper rest, but he couldn't help it right now. Changkyun knew he could handle it all, but right now it just seemed like an Herculean effort his body and mind weren't willing to make.

His phone started vibrating again. Changkyun picked it from his pocket and put it on the floor with the screen turned down. Having the phone ringing, vibrating in contact with his body was making him want to scream.

A few minutes later, Changkyun was startled by a knock on the door. He felt panic growing inside of him, his heart jumped and his mind was filled with racing thoughts. He began to wonder if the managers would go as far as breaking into his room if he didn't answer the door.

"Kyun, are you there?" It was a soft and familiar voice coming from the other side of the door. "Changkyun?" He knocked again.

Changkyun let the air out of his lungs slowly, feeling every muscle in his body relaxing a bit. He picked up his phone. Three missed calls from Kihyun, and a few worried messages.

"Changkyun?" He heard the doorknob turning.

"Yeah, I'm here." Changkyun tried to make his voice sound as steady as possible. 

Kihyun stopped forcing the door.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm ok."

"Ok... Will you open the door, please?"

Changkyun got up, putting his phone back in his pocket. He sighed. He didn't want to be seen like that, but now that he was alone, and that he felt alone, he really wanted company. He wanted Kihyun's company.

"Wait."

He gathered enough strength to get on his feet, took a deep breath to try to steady his breathing. Changkyun unlocked the door and opened it a slit. He felt the door being pushed lightly, and held it in place.

"Won't you let me in?" Kihyun asked.

The door was pushed again, and Changkyun let it slide open a little more.

"Kyun? What's wrong?"

Kihyun put his on the frame of the door, sliding it to where the door closed, so Changkyun couldn't close it again.

"Will you let me in?"

Changkyun didn't say anything for a few seconds, thinking about what to do. Ultimately, he got away from the door, taking a few steps towards the window. He didn't want Kihyun to see that he had been crying, even though he supposed that by how his voice sounded Kihyun could tell. It wouldn't be the first nor the last time Kihyun'd see him crying.

He heard the click on the door when it was closed, and another click when it was locked.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Why didn't you pick up?"

Changkyun heard the steps as Kihyun got closer, and felt arms around him, Kihyun's warmth on his back. He felt him lying his head on his shoulder.

"I thought it was... I don't know..." He felt his eyes burning again, the tears coming back.

"Ok."

He put his hand over Kihyun's hand on his waist. They stayed like that for a while, and Changkyun stopped trying to hold the tears back. This time he knew Kihyun would notice, if he hadn't noticed before. His unsteady breathing would tell him off. And how he was wiping away his tears from time to time.

"Let me see you." Kihyun pulled him closer, holding him tighter. His voice was a little more than a whisper.

Changkyun looked up as he took a deep breath through his mouth. He turned around, feeling Kihyun's hold loosen up as he did so. Kihyun stared at him for a moment, and Changkyun looked down, unable to meet Kihyun's attentive and worried eyes. Suddenly he was very aware of his surroundings, and very aware of himself and his state of mind. Changkyun felt ashamed more than anything. He swallowed dry, worried that Kihyun would think him pathetic for being in that state.

"What's wrong?" He asked in a soft voice, taking Changkyun's hand, kissing his palm.

Kihyun's soft touch soothed his heart and his mind. He felt less alone with Kihyun there, but he still wanted to cry, and he still felt so tired. He just wanted to be able to feel fully rested, it had been such a long time now... What was wrong? He shrugged.

"You don't know or you just don't want to tell me?"

"I don't know if I know."

Kihyun was still holding Changkyun's hand, massaging his palm with his thumbs in silence.

"It's everything." Changkyun said, feeling a knot forming in his throat as soon as the words came out.

Kihyun hugged him and kissed the side of his head. And Changkyun felt ashamed. He knew they had had the same conversation a few days before. After that night, he had felt like things made sense again and that he had no reason to feel desperate. Now, even though Changkyun knew that tomorrow or the day after he'd feel okay again, it was all too much.

"It's ok if you want to cry."

Changkyun hugged him and buried his face on Kihyun's shoulder. He hated Kihyun in that moment for saying those words that made him want to cry again. He thought about picking a fight, pushing him away. Changkyun wanted to ruin something. He felt weak. He felt exposed.

But all the rage left him when Kihyun hugged him back, stroking his hair, stroking his back, whispering "it's ok" in his ear.  
He still felt weak and pathetic, but safe.  
He felt less alone, and loved.

______________________________________

They only parted the hug once Changkyun ran out of tears. He was calmer by then, but he still seemed to be troubled.

After that, Kihyun had prepared him a bath, and washed his hair. He had picked up comfortable clothes for Changkyun, had ordered food for both of them, and had made sure that the younger one ate something. Changkyun tried to refuse his help multiple times, but Kihyun was stubborn enough to insist on helping him out with all those little things. He was worried.

Changkyun was asleep now, close to Kihyun, hands against his chest, his head on Kihyun's arm, that was holding him. He seemed so small to Kihyun in that moment.

It hadn't taken long for Changkyun to fall asleep. He was exhausted from overthinking things and crying a lot and trying not to cry. It had been a rough night. And now Changkyun didn't seem to be sleeping peacefully. Sometimes his breathing would get heavier or his hands got a little twitchy. Kihyun would caress his face or hold his hand when that happened, with the lightest of touches as to not wake Changkyun up, and that seemed to help.

But what was keeping Kihyun awake now, more than Changkyun's unquiet sleep, was the kiss. After Changkyun had asked him to sleep there with him, and Kihyun agreed, he felt the urge to kiss Changkyun. It was brief, but it contained everything they hadn't said that night. The kiss meant "I'm here for you" and "I know you are", it meant "I'm worried" and "I'll be fine", it meant "I care about you and I don't know what else to do" and "you're doing more than enough". The kiss had meant "I want you to feel loved" and "I do".

They had kissed before, on multiple occasions, and they had had sex, and none of it had really meant anything to either of them. The beginning of meaning in their relationship had been a couple months before that night, and when that different meaning started, they had already stopped doing everything else. Kihyun felt comfortable with him, and he knew Changkyun felt the same - hence why he had been allowed by Changkyun to stay close in both his crisis.

After the kiss, Changkyun had looked away, his cheeks blushed lightly, but he kept holding Kihyun's hand. They stayed like that, holding hands, Kihyun singing low. Sometimes Changkyun would ask him to sing something specific and Kihyun complied. Sometimes Kihyun would stroke Changkyun's hair, caress his face with the tip of his fingers.  
Not much time had passed until they decided to lie down and try to sleep. They hadn't kissed again; it wasn't the time for that.

And now when Kihyun thought about the kiss, his heart would beat faster. He didn't know what that meant, and he knew he wouldn't to be able to find it out in the middle of the night, embracing an asleep Changkyun.  
Right now Changkyun needed to feel better, and Kihyun hoped his care could ease Changkyun's mind.

**Author's Note:**

> I really just wanted to write a sweet fic where someone took care of Changkyun so I made this! I spend a lot of my time thinking about how being an idol must be super stressing and super tiring at times, and I'm sure sometimes it's a lot to bear, so that's why I wrote something in this scenario.
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed it!


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